Time to Recharge

I hurt myself this weekend. ell, I don't know if I did something or if it was just time that wore me out. But I found my self lying on the floor Monday morning in tears and not feeling like I could move. I'd already taken over the counter aleve (3 of them) by 1 pm and nothing was helping. I moved on to a prescription to help and found a bit more relief.

Several years ago, I was told I have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome at the Cleveland Clinic. It's just a connective tissue disorded that means my tissue is too stretchy so my muscles get tired really fast and my joints hurt or slipt out of place. God has carried me through and brought me to a place where this "flare up" affects me every once in awhile instead of every day. My healing process from this hasn't been miraculous, in fact, many times I've found myself knowing in my heart that the EDS is sort of a compass or barometer. I don't want to get into the aspect of not having enough faith for God to completely take it away, and I'm not trying to have a crutch.

But after alot of acceptance of some mild limitations, but important ones, and ater a good amount of prayer and good amount of reading, my health has become a part of my life that helps me stay on course and stay focused. When I become undisciplined in taking care of my healthy by what I eat, or by allowing too much nonsense stress in my life, and not resting or lifting certain things, I break down.

We all do it, and I just feel like my break downs become extremely obvious to everyone around me. Granted, I'm not taking on the guilt or pressure of the fact that every time that I get the slightest amount of pain that I've messed up. It's not about that. I don't want to digress into the layers that this EDS thing opens up for me: guilt, not enough faith, feeling judged for not being completely healed, feeling different, etc. I've had those moments, I've moved past the screaming out to God and the whole "why" thing. I do hope and pray that all this pain goes away and I have faith that if God wanted my shoulder to never slide out of place again, he could do it. Instead, I am focusing on what God has made very clear to me that I do alot better in my daily physical and spiritual life when I am disciplined in what I do and how I take care of myself.

I know now that when I get too much sugar, not enough water, too much processed food, and not enough excercise that I fall apart. But it's the same in my spiritual life. When I don't get enough rest, when I watch too much TV instead of pondering God's work or what he has next for me, when I skip my time with him, when I'm over committed to "good things" and "good friends" and when I'm running all over the place I can't possibly be in tune with God's voice. I don't do as well at being a light. In fact, I'm not a light to anyone. I'm stressed, and I'm tired. And I don't want to deal with much...basically, I'm laid out on the floor not being able to be used by God.

And when I physically get to the place of hurting this much, it takes a long time to get going again and not hurt. Same way with my spiritual life. I dig holes of hurt, of weariness, of stress.
My joy is gone because I'm not focusing on the Father and I'm not being disciplined.

Not trying to be negative. Just thinking thorugh the parallel.

I'll stop. And I know I need to edit this for clarity. But.. I've just been thinking about that a lot lately.